Boo-Boos and Watching What We Say

When Aryn started talking, people kept saying to us, "Watch what you say now!" Aryn spoke her own language, that a friend of mine called "Arynese." It was very fitting, so we stuck with that. Entire sentences would be zipped through with random English words thrown in. For example,

"Onwer lorewrw laswor lawrouarpw ICE CREAM werouawerar." 

It took awhile and a lot of, "WHAT?!" questions before we started to figure out what she was saying. Once I started to understand Arynese, she started speaking better English and it has gotten progressively easier. Everyday she seems to learn new words and sentences that make us wonder just how she learned how to say that. She amazes us. 

Then it happens. 

Bauer barked.

I yelled, "Bauer! Shut up!" from upstairs.

Aryn yelled, "BAUER! SHUT UP!"

Crap.

"Aryn! Don't say shut up!"

"Mommy! Shut up!"

"Shit."

"Mommy! Shit!"

"Dammit. Aryn stop it!"

"Dammit!"

"Oh for goodness sakes."

"Shut up, Mommy, you goodness shit stop it!"

 This literally happened.

She repeats everything. Every sentence I say, 5 seconds after it comes out of my mouth I think, "WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT?!" 

This rotten kid literally repeats everything. From random things I say during the day (like "Oh my goodness") to swearing, she has me down pat. 

Then, she stops and says random, downright adorable, sweet stuff. Like today, I was coughing (I have a horrible cough right now, brought on by said toddler) and she came up to me, hugged my arm and said:

"I lub you, sweetheart."

Oh - "lub" is "love." Her V's are B's. Her R's are P's (downsteps, not downstairs). Her R's are also N's (Anyn, not Aryn). Her R's are also W's (Wyan, not Ryan... oh yeah, she also calls us by our first names sometimes). 

Toddler talk is hilarious. And confusing. I also think it should be a college course, and one that I am excelling in. Toddler Talk 101, Valedictorian, moi. 

Thank you, thank you.

Along with my little mimic, comes a whole swack of new conversations everyday. Amongst those is a great time of listening to every single boo boo this kid gets.

Now, I don't mean boo boo as in she slams her finger in the door. 

No.

Bauer's whisker ever so slightly touches her leg. "MOMMY! BAUER BITED ME!"

Umm...

Or, a bug just happens to land on her leg. Bugs = death. Hell breaks loose. She is DYING. At least that's what you'd think when you hear the screams and see the tears. "MOMMY! A BEE! A BEE BITED ME!"

Ryan is deathly allergic to bees. So, as a mom, when you hear this, you race as fast as you can to your kid. Who is standing there. Squishing a ladybug. 

That'll teach you, ladybug, for going near a toddler. 

Poor ladybug.....

So with tattletaleing on poor innocent bugs, she also tattle tales on her friends. She still shows me a tiny, barely-visible dot on her finger. "Keegan hurt me." 

Yeah... you haven't seen Keegan in a week. 

Life is pretty exciting around here. 

Lucas is doing great. He's smiling pretty much all day. When he's not smiling, he's sleeping. When he's not smiling or sleeping, he's playing with his toys. He loves toys. The one thing he spends the least amount of time doing a day is eating. It drives me insane. He's clearly starving (he shows no signs of hunger, but when he hasn't eaten for 5 hours during the day, that's the only logical explanation.... right?). Yet he's gaining weight, he has huge rolls, he poops like a champion, and I'm, once again, loving cloth diapers (no blowouts!!).

Tonight we sleep in heat. Alberta heat waves suck. But tomorrow we get air conditioning. Twill be a fantastic life. 

Fun times at Walmart

Ryan often - and by 'often', I mean, literally, at least two or three times a week - asks me, "how come things always happen to you?"

I always have a story. Something always happens to me. But I'm a firm believer that things always happen to everyone, but not everyone finds these little stories interesting enough to tell, and therefore, it makes my stories seem all the more prominent.

Plus, I embellish stories.

A lot.

Case-in point: I got hit by a car.

Not even literally. I got pushed by a car, but "I got hit by a car" makes the story seem all the more exciting. Plus, my passive "excuse me sir, but you hit me with your car" response really doesn't make for a good story.

So listen to the embellished version!

Lucas has been crying. A lot. At his 2-month check-up, the nurse said, "At 2 months your baby will begin to cry more - their crying peeks at the 2-month mark."

Me: "Oh, he's SUCH a good baby and rarely cries. I think we dodged that bullet!"

3 weeks later, I am eating my words. This kid cries if you hold him, set him down, and, my favourite, when he's fast asleep and you sllooooowwwwwlllllyyyyy lay him down in his crib, he wakes up and screams bloody murder and you have to start the process all over.

I won't lie: I've uttered Samuel L. Jackson's amazing children's book title a few times to this kid. More than I like to admit.

So Ryan got home from work yesterday, and before he had time to change out of his work clothes, I was standing there telling him I was going to Walmart. I needed to get out of the house and away from the whining and crying for a good 20 minutes. Mother of the year award?? Hell, no.

So I went to Walmart. I parked on the opposite end of the parking lot, because, you know, those extra 30 feet are real exercise. The parking lot was fairly empty for the first time ever, and I slowly walked to the store (you  know, gotta take my time and make this break worth it!).

Because the parking lot was empty, I just quickly scanned the area in front of my walking path and just kept walking. Suddenly, I felt something on my left hip. Then I got pushed. Then I was about 2 feet further into the roadway.

I realized that someone was backing into me.

2 things came to mind:

1) If I let him run me over, Ryan will be stuck with the kids for at least a couple of hours while I am sent to emerg. That's 2 hours of quiet. Please run me over.

2) If I get ran over, my 20 minutes of stress-free Walmart snooping will be cut short and I'll have to, instead, listen to sickies at the hospital whine. I've had enough whining for today. Do NOT run me over.

So I hit his car with my hand. Hard. He didn't hear me and kept backing up. So I jumped forward, out of the way (which I should have done in the first place...). Again, he didn't see me until I walked up to his window, with my arms stretched out with a "WHAT THE HELL?!" look on my face. He stopped, lipped "SORRY!" and we both smiled at each other.

I just smiled at a guy who hit me with his car.

No... pushed me with his car.

Then, we waved at each other.

I literally just THANKED him for pushing me with his car.

You know what irks me the most about this whole scenario? He was parked in the "Parents With Child" parking stall. When I noticed this, I wanted to scream at him.

Not for pushing me with his car - but for parking in MY parking stall.

What an a-hole.

So I walked into Walmart, with the intention of just buying nose spray, and left with things for the 2 kids I left at home to get away from. I realized, as I was leaving, I forgot the nose spray. So I had to go back in.

"Forgot" the nose spray.

Sucker.

Lucas had been crying the entire time I was gone. Aryn didn't move her dress from behind her on the potty and had gotten poop on her dress. Ryan was still in work clothes. Supper was burning in the slow cooker.

And I got 20 minutes to myself.

'Twas a good day.

Throw Back Thursday

My kid doesn't look anything like she did as a baby.

Fun times.

Last night, I went and checked on my daughter and there in the corner of her room was a diaper. I didn't think much of it, assuming it was the previous night's diaper so I threw it in the garbage, removed the soccer ball and 3 books from her bed, and kissed her forehead before I left and went to bed.

Ryan and I were talking while we were falling asleep, and I happened to mention that I had found the previous night's diaper in her room. Ryan informed me that he had thrown that diaper in the garbage. Silence.

I jumped up, ran to her room, and lo and behold, she was not wearing her nighttime diaper. Nope. She had underwear on. Put on completely wrong - her body was in the leg hold and they were TIGHT.

So, there we were, working really hard - as a team - to take off these super tight underwear at 11pm... in the dark... and put on a new diaper. All the while, my 45-pound toddler slept with dead weight. FYI, changing the pants of a 45-pound sleeping toddler is not fun. And you will break a nail. But it sure was cause for some laughter.

Doesn't she look gigantic?!

So this brings us to a new venture in the next little while: nighttime potty training. I'm terrified. This mama likes her sleep. Like... I cry that ugly cry when something keeps me awake. Which is probably why we should stop at 2 children, because God knows I'm the worst with nighttime nursing. Everyone's all, "Oh, they're only this young for so long! Embrace and cherish the nighttime nursing cuddles!"

Me? I want to punch you in the face when you say that to me. Mama likes to sleep. Nursing every 2 hours is annoying and exhaustion causes me to be very grumpy.

Thankfully, Lukey Pookey (or, as he has now been called, "Pookie Man") is a champion sleeper. I mean... literally. He goes down at 8:30pm (after a 4-hour awake session where he cries and fusses for most of it...), wakes up anywhere from 2-4am, eats, then sleeps until 8am... yes, you are free to be jealous. I would be jealous if it wasn't us. And I'm scared to post this because that means that tonight he'll be up every 2 hours and I'm going to curse my blog for it.

So, going back to nighttime potty training... our decision now is:

Option 1: put her on the potty at 11pm when we go to bed.
Option 2: wake her up to potty when I get up to nurse Lucas.
Option 3: forget it and just get a second job to pay for the ridiculously expensive diapers we have to buy.

Diaper prices are insane. Add to that the fact that our 2.5 year old is already 45 pounds with large legs and butt, she doesn't fit in regular pull-ups. Nope, she's in the "Big Kids" pull-ups... the ones for ages 6-8. Yes, you read that right. They are the only ones that fit. And for 23 diapers, it's $20. That's effing expensive.

Wish us luck.

Poor Lukey...

In other news, last weekend we had some friends stay with us. We had a fantastic time, and it was nice staying up socializing past 9pm for once. It's been a long time that I've stayed up as late as we did... and by late I mean midnight.

I am pretty sure there was a point in time when we didn't even leave for the bar until 11pm.

Looking good, Ryan... looking good...

We spent the one day at Calaway Park in Calgary, which was probably one of the most fun days we've had in awhile. FYI: amusement parks are extremely not-nursing friendly. Both Jill and I were constantly looking for a place to nurse our babies. We ended up having to do it right in public... along with a few other nursing moms. Unfortunately, each area we found was near bushes and we all got attacked by mosquitoes.

But there we were.... 6 or 7 nursing moms, all trying to hide our lady bits from prying eyes and curious toddlers. Fun times.

And another fun thing that happened at Calaway Park was Ryan's tooth fell out. Yep, he has a fake tooth, that's supposed to late him about 5 years and bam - it fell out. On our way to Calaway. Guess how much it's going to cost us to fix? $3200. We're super pumped about that.

But he looks hilarious. That's worth the $3200.

Irony at its finest. 

Who wants to buy my book so we can pay for said tooth??

Things have been fun around here. Aryn's hilarious (her new thing is, "Of COURSE, mommy!" - to any question. "Aryn, did you take my phone?" "Of COURSE I did!"), Pookie Man is smiling and cooing... and just does not eat near as much as Aryn did. It's weird how little he eats yet continues to gain weight. We're doing great and loving every day... at least most of the day. Not all of the day... but most.

Crazy days

We are losing our minds. Literally. The lack of sleep, lack of relaxation, lack of spending any time with each other before having to rush off to bed before we 'miss our window' has taken its toll. We are walking zombies and someone has already eaten our brains.

Case in point...

Saturday: We went to Lethbridge for a wedding. Now, we didn't need to leave until noon. We started getting ready at about 9am, thinking we'd be ready in plenty of time. Well. Aryn woke Lucas up at about 10am, and he proceeded to scream until 11. Which meant I didn't get to do anything other than hold him for an hour. 11:30 rolls around, I'm not dressed, no makeup, Aryn's running around naked, Lucas is asleep and still in his pj's. Ryan showered at 11:45 and we rushed out the door at 12:20. We forgot lots of stuff.

Saturday Part 2: I left the ceremony and took the kids back to the farm. Kids were not invited to the wedding and we wanted some quality time with Yampa Butch. We got home at 6. By the time bedtime (8pm) rolled around, we'd had had one toddler pee accident, one infant projectile vomit, 2 infant poopy diapers, one toddler freak out, and a huge fight to make said toddler eat supper.

Sunday: The morning after the wedding, Ryan's mom gets a text from his sister saying she has Ryan's phone. He left it in Lethbridge. We're at the farm. One year ago, we'd have just left it there and had them mail it up. But not now. Smart phones = life lines. Ryan drove to Lethbridge (an hour away) to get his phone.

Sunday Part 2: While getting ready to leave, I strapped both kids in the car. Ryan started the remote car starter (because it was hot out. Car on = air conditioning). In order to remotely start the car, you need to lock the doors, and then hold the remote starter for 3 seconds. I do this literally every day, and I have a process where I immediately unlock the doors after starting the car. Well, Ryan doesn't take my car very often. He put the keys in the ignition, and closed the door.

Kids. Locked. In Car.

So, after fighting with OnStar to BEG them to find a way to open our car, and calling 911, and Chevrolet Road Side Assistance, and no one was able to help us (because we're in the middle of nowhere, and we don't have OnStar), Ryan had to break the driver side window with a hammer.

Infant screaming bloody murder.

Toddler hyperventilating crying.

Oh, and the air conditioning? It was off. So hot air was blowing on both kids.

Awesome.

  

The whole situation took about 10 minutes to resolve, but it felt like hours. It took a bit to calm them down, and a fun switcheroo with the inlaws super nice Enclave to take home, and we were back on the road about an hour later. Exhausted, annoyed, and feeling silly. But everyone was ok.

Monday: My parents take Aryn on Mondays. They usually go to the zoo, but due to the floods in Calgary, the zoo is closed until at least the end of July. So they went to the Science museum. So it was just me and Pookie, so we went to the mall to get Aryn some new clothes, and then to Costco. Lucas was a trooper. I wanted a quick in-and-out of Calgary so I could get home around lunch time to take Bauer for a walk before the weather turned. Well, I get home, and there's a missed call on my cell (which I saw was ringing about 3 minutes after I left Costco and I ignored it because I was driving). It was Costco. I forgot my wallet.

*sigh*

Back in the car, 3 pull overs to tend to a screaming infant who did NOT want to go back to sleep, and almost 2 hours later, my wallet is back in the car and we're at home.

Tuesday: This morning, Aryn woke up quietly, snuck out of her room, took off her diaper, and proceeded to poop in the toilet. On her own. YAY!! No. Not yay. She also got off the potty post-poop, tried to clean her self up, some poop fell off of her, she tried to wipe it up with face cloths, and then walked over to us with poop spontaneously dropping from her. In a word, poop was: EVERYWHERE. So much poop. At 6:30am. Fun times.

Positives: we haven't left the kids somewhere yet. Pat on back. And we've only forgotten our cell phones and wallets. I mean, it could be worse. And Aryn has learned she can go to the bathroom on her own. Although, this may not be a positive.

Negatives: Aryn has learned she can go to the bathroom on her own.

Another positive: Lucas is pretty much sleeping through the night. The night before last I woke up at 3am, realized he hadn't woken up yet (he last ate at 9:30). I jumped out of bed to make sure he was still breathing, and decided to wake him up and feed him because I didn't want to get up in an hour, should that be when he actually woke up. He ate for like 6 minutes and went back to sleep until 7am. Not too shabby. Last night wasn't as great, and I tend to mix up his loud grunting for being awake and wanting me, when really he's just a grunter in his sleep.

Oh and he's over 11 pounds. So his eating strike seems to not be as bad as I thought.

Here's to another day. I wonder what will get forgotten?? Yikes.