Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The end HAS to be near

I was 38 weeks yesterday. I had Aryn at 38w4d. Logically, I can expect this kid in the next few days. And let me tell you - I am ready. It has not been a very fun last couple of weeks, which is why my blogging has really taken a back seat. Which is ok, because I'm the least hilarious person in the world right now. I'm like Fun Bobby when he stops drinking; some of you may get that analogy, and for those of you who do, you are my kind of people.

It's been 2 weeks of contractions, no sleep, lack of patience, and Braxton Hicks. You may notice I mentioned contractions and Braxton Hicks. Yep. I'm that talented.

Oh and itching. I dreamed of scratching my skin off with a knife last night. It was glorious.

I'm thinking of becoming a speaker to kids about teen pregnancy. I'll paint them quite the beautiful picture that will lock those chastity belts for at least 10 years. You're welcome, parents.

To make matters even more awesome, Aryn woke up this morning stuffed up, runny nose, sneezing, and all around miserable. It's making life even more awesome. Perhaps 5 days in the hospital with the baby is just what I need. It'll be like a vacation! People bringing me food, laying in bed all day, having glorious naps whenever I want... sign me up! My phone rang? Whoops! Missed it! Nap time!

In all honesty, I am not looking forward to my 3-5 day hospital stay. When Aryn was born, I wanted to go home 3 hours after she was born. I hate the hospital. Mind you, this time I am paying whatever they want for a private room (first mistake I made with Aryn...), but a few days with a newborn, and nurses who know everything and tell you you're doing everything wrong, just isn't on my list of things to do this week. But, with his situs inversus, we will be there for a few days to make sure all of his insides are working well before we can go home. And then, if things aren't working perfectly, we'll have to be in there even longer.

I don't believe that'll happen though.

Plus, I am going to miss Aryn like crazy. She is sitting next to me right now, singing some random song she made up and it's making me laugh. I don't even know how to type it to explain it, but picture the funniest song ever, and that's what's happening right now.

Oh and she's learned the word "dump truck." Only, it doesn't sound like "dump truck." It sounds like "dumb fuck." And it makes me laugh. Every single time. When I'm exhausted and angry that I'm still pregnant, I ask Aryn to say "dump truck" and bam - smile and laughter.

In fact, that's what Ryan got me for Mother's Day. "Aryn, say 'dump truck' for your mom!"

Best gift ever.

So even though she's miserable and driving me insane today, I've made her say "dump truck" 13 times and it's only 9:30am. Score 1 for mom.

Hopefully, the next time I post I can introduce you to baby boy. Who is still nameless, by the way. If you've been following my blog for long enough, you'll know that with Aryn we had her name picked out at 6 months, and I was referring to her as "Aryn" in the blog. This time around, we've got nothing. We have a list of 5 names to bring to the hospital, but none of them I'm 100% sold on. Each has a pro/con. The names I do love, Ryan vetoes. It's super frustrating, especially since all the names I love are awesome... circa Rachel's names over Ross's names. Yep, another Friends reference. You're welcome, 1990s!

Come onnnnn, baby!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Dog pee, hair sand and angels

As if I had nothing else to do in my life right now (you know, except try to get off the couch without having to pee and having nice long 2-hour naps in the afternoon), we woke up this morning to a very wet bed. First thought: did my water break? We quickly ruled that out - don't worry.

Second option: our ceiling is leaking. At the same time, Ryan and I looked up at the ceiling. Dry. I won't lie: we were confused.

We then both looked back at the bed. Bauer wasn't there, as he jumps off the bed quite quickly after he hears any inkling of Aryn moving in her room. The poor kid moves and BAM! - Bauer jumps off the bed to run downstairs to hide. It's not even like she bothers him. She says hi, wants to pet him, and then goes on to something else. But because he's a grumpy old man (at 5 years old), and he just hates her.

His blanket was damp, and he was sleeping at or about the same place the big wet spot was. So, quick diagnosis: Bauer peed the bed. It didn't smell like pee. It didn't even look like pee. It looks like water. There was no water glass or cup in or around our bed. There is no other way the water could get there unless Bauer, somehow, put it there.

Maybe he was licking the bed? Maybe he was panting? Maybe he was drooling? Maybe he was dreaming of swimming in a lake and miraculously created water out of thin air?

... is he Jesus?

Maybe I should be nicer to him...

Regardless of what that water was or how it got there, we decided the same thing: the comforter needed to be cleaned.

So I posted on Facebook, asking where I can wash a king sized comforter. I knew of the local laundromats, but the last thing I wanted to do at 9 months pregnant was hang out at a laundromat for 3 hours with a toddler while my comforter got washed and dried.

Angel moment: someone I barely know (she is my mom's hairdresser) knocked on my door at just before 9am asking to take my comforter. I was so confused and made her repeat herself 4 or 5 times before I understood that she was coming to do something kind for a somewhat stranger. Shocked, I gave her the comforter.

By the way: it is possible to over-thank someone before it gets annoying. I discovered that today.

It is also possible to shock the crap out of someone with kindness. I discovered that, as well, today.

Not long after this happened, we went over to a friends house for a play date. I have said this before, and I will say it again: I have the best baby group ever. The women in my baby group are fantastic. I never leave feeling judged or that my kid is hated or bad or that I'm doing a bad job raising her. I always leave refreshed, grateful and exhausted. As does my daughter.

Today was no exception.

Although, she did leave filthy. I mean, black and brown and filthy. Aryn discovered sand today. And it was love at first sight. Mama, on the other hand, was not so in love with it.

First thing we did when we got home (after a 5-minute-crying-uncontrollably drive home) was go in the bathtub. I had to carry my 40lb toddler up the stairs while she cried, absolutely distraught that I ended her play date and so overly exhausted that she couldn't calm down long enough to just fall asleep. Into the bathtub she went. Quick black shower, hair washed, and thrown into bed where she literally fell asleep within seconds.

There is sand everywhere still.

And I don't even care.

There are lots of battles between my daughter and myself, from forcing her to pee before we leave the house to letting me flush the toilet post-poop before I go into the bathroom (you know, cuz I hate the smell), to making her put on a damn sweater when it's cold out and she is refusing. I decided today that hair sand was not going to be a fight. And I want to run to Walmart and buy some sand right now for her brand new sand table that I bought at a garage sale for $30.

Yep, that's right. $30. I am the Garage Sale QUEEN.

Oh, I forgot to mention: Pull-Ups suck ass. Seriously. She wears them to bed because she pees in her sleep, which she did today. And instead of keeping the pee inside said Pull-Ups, the pee went everywhere in her bed. So at 6:20pm, I have done - technically - 3 loads of laundry due to one of my two 'children' peeing on the bed.

It's not wrong to have a little wine while pregnant, right??