Monday, January 20, 2014


There are few things that are cringe-worthy. Few things that make you groan and slunk under the sheets with the wish of death to come upon you.

Take the sound of nails on a chalkboard. That sound makes one shudder; it's a popular analogy in movies and books. But really, who walks around with a chalkboard just to run your nails on it? It's not cringe-worthy. It's a horrible sound, but not cringe-worthy.

Or the phone ringing and seeing that it's someone you really have no desire to talk to. That's roll-your-eyes-worthy, but not cringe-worthy. You don't throw your phone across the room and hide; you just hit "ignore" and go about your day... and think of an excuse for not answering said phone call when you know you'll be asked about it later.

Even the sound of a poosplosion isn't cringe-worthy. You know the type; when you're finally ready to leave the house for a day at the zoo or the mall, and your baby, all dressed up and ready to be put into his carseat grunts and POOF! you hear that sound. You yell, "NOOOOO!!!!!" in slow motion, hoping that you can stop it before it shoots out the sides of the diaper. You're always too late. Your baby is sitting on the floor, smiling at you, with poop half-moons soaking through his pants right onto the carpet. You hang your head, defeated, texting your friends "I'm going to be late..." and you haul ass upstairs to change said diaper before it leaks out even more so that when you take the pants off, you get poop streaks down the legs. You're always too late - those poop streaks will be there. Guaranteed.

But there is not much in this world that is truly cringe-worthy.

Except: your child waking up too early in the morning.

I'm not talking about 3am feeds, or 2am potty time. I'm talking about 5:30am whines coming from either bedroom.

I'm talking about hearing your 3-year old's door open, only to look at the clock and seeing it's only 5:55am.

I'm talking about hearing your baby cry out at 6am on the nose. You know it's going to take a good 15 minutes to get either child back to sleep, only to go back to bed to be woken up by your husbands alarm clock in 15 minutes. Your sleep is ruined. You're up for the day.


You know they're not hungry. You know they're tired. But they're awake. And now you're awake. And your dog is awake (and licking himself in the most annoying way). And if it's your baby awake, pretty soon your other kid will be awake. There's something about a baby's cry that wakes the older child up. And your husband is awake, whispering, "Are you going to go get him?"


You could easily have gotten another hour of sleep. But now you have to get out of bed, walk over to his room, feed him quickly to put them back to sleep, only he won't. He's cooing and gaaing at you, slapping your face, and kicking your arm to get your attention. You try to ignore him, but he has a knack of getting your attention, only to smile and show you just how awake he is.

And you're cursing him. You smile back at that goofy toothy grin, but really, inside, you're imagining laying in bed, with the covers over your head, and a sweet sleepy smile across your lips. And you start bartering with God.

Please, God. If you put him back to sleep I promise I won't swear in my head today. I promise I'll go the speed limit. I promise I'll watch Billy Graham instead of Ellen. 

He does not go to sleep.

(Like I wasn't going to watch Ellen.)

Then you hear the second gringe-worthy sound.

The bedroom door opening. The bedroom door belonging to your other child.

Now, at 5:50am, both kids are awake.


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