I am exhausted.
Lucas, at 9.5 months, is crawling, standing, smiling, walking with a walker, blowing raspberries, smiling, eating, nursing, smiling, standing on his own, and, most of all, not sleeping.
Ok, so he gets up about twice a night. Some parents may think that that's awesome. Except he is a super restless sleeper until about 11pm, then sleeps until 1:30-ish am, then wakes up again at about 5:30am, then sleeps until 7:30am when I wake him up. Oh, and don't forget my daughter who wakes us up at 5:45am.
Not only that, but when Lucas DOES eat, lately he's been projectile vomiting all over everything. Is it allergies? Is it a sinus issue? (his nose is constantly full, and I started to wonder if he was swallowing mucous and snot and therefore getting a sore tummy.) Is he just over full? We seriously have no idea what is causing this! (we're trying him on Benadryl at night, but his second half of the night is so bad that I should be giving him a second dose; it does get rid of his super runny nose, but I don't particularly enjoy drugging him!)
I hate this schedule. I am exhausted. And since my beautiful redheaded daughter likes to wake up at 5:45am, regardless of her GroClock that tells her she needs to stay in bed, it makes for a very long, frustrating day. Oh, the bunny is still asleep? Well, let me serenade you at the top of my lungs until the bunny is in the sun.
Every. Morning.
[If you saw our GroClock, you'd understand that when the bunny is sleeping in bed, she is to stay in bed. If the bunny is frolicking in the sun, she's allowed to get out of bed to pee. It's set for 6am. Yeah. 6. A. M. Yet 5:45 comes around and there she is next to our bed.]
But I digress.
Due to my extreme exhaustion, and extremely low level of patience, and serious lack of humour, and being on the brink of a nervous breakdown, I got the brilliant idea to night wean. This is how it went.
Step 1: Prepare Yourself.
I psyched myself out. I decided to give Night Weaning 6 nights. I knew the first 3 nights would be awful, and hopefully they'd get progressively better. If on the 6th night it still was unsuccessful, I considered faking spontaneous deafness... or, I'd give up and try again in a few weeks, or even a month. 6 nights of hell for a lifetime of sleep. I was ready.
Step 2: Put Plan into Action.
And here we go.
Night 1
Lucas woke up at 1:30am, just like I suspected. I picked him up, I walked around the room, I patted his back, I shushed him, I walked, and walked, and walked. He cried, he fought me, he bent his body down to eat and was thoroughly pissed off when he was denied.
2 hours later, he was back to sleep. I laid him down in bed, tiptoed out of the room, and went back to bed. I woke up at 5am to pump a bit just for some relief, and then went back to bed.
Lucas slept until 8am. Then ate a little bit, we went downstairs for breakfast, then he nursed at nap time at 9:30am and napped for 2 hours.
Cue zombie acting.
Night 2
Lucas woke up at 12:30, but didn't fight as hard. It took an hour and a half to get him back to sleep, doing much the same I did the night before. I laid him down in bed.
Parent Mistake #1: false hope.
Oh, it took an hour and a half this time instead of 2 hours? Wait until you lay the kid down. Then they wake up. Then you have to spend another 30 minutes putting them back to sleep without feeding them.
2 hours and 20 minutes later, I was back in bed. I did have to get up and pump again a bit at 5am, but Night 2 was over.
Night 3
Lucas slept until 5:45am. I was so ridiculously uncomfortable I had to go downstairs and pump a bit first. Then I went into his room, and stood there like an idiot trying to decide: to feed or not to feed.
I fed.
Parent Mistake #2: don't ever give in!!!
I gave in. I fed him. He fell right back to sleep, and slept until I woke him up at 7:30. Aryn woke us up at 6:03. Sweet thing slept in. Cue sarcasm.
Night 4
Lucas was up every 40 minutes until 11pm. Finally, at 11, I fed him. Then he slept until 4:30. Again, I stood at his crib, thinking about my options:
If I feed him, he'll go back to sleep and sleep until 7:30. If I don't feed him, I'll be fighting with him up to 2 hours. If I feed him, I get to go back to sleep. If I don't feed him, I need to walk around the room with him for 2 hours.
Parent Mistake #3: YOU IDIOT!!!!! DON'T GIVE IN!
Night 5
Lucas woke up at 1:30am. I fed him. Then he was up at 5:45am. I fed him then too.
Night Weaning: FAILED.
So... tonight should be night 6. I have given up. I will attempt night weaning in a few weeks again. Until then, I will continue to be exhausted, and continue counting down to the day Ryan and I leave to go to Hawaii in February 2015.
341 days until I can sleep.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
The Lukey Pookie Man - 9 Month Update
Right now, I find myself going back to old blog posts, reading about what we did with Aryn at each development that Lucas hits. "What did Aryn do at 9 months? Was she crawling? Was she sleeping through the night? What was she eating?"
Two mouse clicks and I have my answers. Aryn was being dream fed at 10:30, sleeping straight until 8am, she was spinning on her stomach (NOT crawling) and eating mostly homemade pureed fruits and veggies with a little meat, but was not big on eating meat.
Aryn at 9 months was 22 lbs 9 3/4 ounces, 30.5" long
Lucas at 9 months is 19 lbs, 3 ounces, and 31.25" long
I have NOT been blogging the same with Lucas. I don't have weight updates on my phone for every month he turns. I do not have a tally of foods he loves, foods he hates, or recipes tucked into a pile on my kitchen island for fancy purees I can barely wait to feed him.
Aryn's life was chronicled week by week, month by month, sometimes day by day.
Yes, Lucas is the bonafide second child, with second child's syndrome. But, 3-years-from-now-self, here is what you need to know:
- Lucas does not get the fancy homemade purees. He gets the organic, pre-made pouch meals. This is a daily "I'm the worst mom ever" mama fail feeling, and every day, I leave the organic sweet potato in my veggie bowl, just to open another pouch. Because pouches are cheaper... and easier... and oh-so-much-tastier than anything I can make. Oh and Aryn loves them too. Each kid gets a surplus of veggies and fruit from a little pouch. Mama fail, perhaps... but hey, it's also a win.
- Lucas IS crawling. And standing. And holding onto one object and stepping over to another. He stands for seconds on his own. He is a speed demon crawler. He's on one knee, and one foot. Always.
- He does not sleep. He cries out in his sleep. He wakes up anywhere from 2-4 times a night. Every night. The times he wakes up way later than normal (like, 4am for his first wakeup), he's also up at 5am, then 6am so it still constitutes as 3 wakeups.
- He is not a great nurser any more. I nursed Aryn for 18 months, and loved every moment of it. We snuggled, we held hands, we breathed each other in. Lucas grabs my back fat with his knife-like dagger fingers and pinches so hard it brings tears to my eyes. He sticks his fingers in my nose and pulls anything he can. He grabs my hair with his velcro hands and rips it out by the roots. He slaps my chest hard enough to show hand prints afterwards. Oh, and then after all of that, he gets over excited and pukes up all the milk he just ate and cries for more.
And this is one for the baby books. Lucas, for the past 2 weeks, has been a terror at night. He wakes up at 1am-ish, nurses like a fiend, then proceeds to projectile vomit everything he just nursed. Over and over. Until everything he just ate is gone. Then he wants to cuddle. Then he falls asleep, only to wake up a couple hours later, seemingly starving, only to not want to nurse. I am worried our nursing days are coming to an early end. But we're persevering... and getting a little checkup on Monday with the doctor to find out if this is something to be really worried about (he also lost half a pound in the last month so that is another concern I'd like addressed). Lucas... you always keep us on our toes!!
- He is SO BAD and so effing cute while being bad. He crawls around, ONLY going for things he knows he's not allowed to have. Like standing on Aryn's painting easel (it falls really easily... and has fallen on top of him 3 times now). Or going after Bauer's food (his favourite thing). Or opening the drawers only to slam his fingers in said drawer. Or eating boots or shoes that are accidentally left on the rug. Or trying to climb up the stairs. 15 billion toys laying around, and he wants the dog food.
- He gives the BEST hugs. I mean, real, heart-felt "I love you sooo much" hugs. He sees me, gets all squealy and excited, lifts his hands to be picked up, puts his head on my shoulder and pats my back. And every time - no matter what time of night it is, or how hard I've been fighting him to get him to sleep, that back pat melts it all away and I'm left hugging and snuggling him back. He plays dirty. And he knows it.
Lucas really is a fantastic napper some days... (probably due to his awful sleep the night before!) for a couple hours in the morning, and a couple hours in the afternoon. And we've got his afternoon nap coinciding with Aryn's, so I often have a couple hours to myself in the afternoon to get work done. It's actually been really nice! I wish I could nap during that down time, but woah is the working mother - I have to get work done!!
Lucas is also hilarious. He has a very different sense of humour than Aryn. She was giving cheesy grins and playing funny games with us when she was this age. Hiding behind curtains and clacking her tongue. Lucas has a different sense of humour. He does things, then laughs. He laughs at noises, and thinks everything his sister does is funny and something he must try himself. He wants to move, he wants to run, he wants to keep up with his big sister. He jumps on us like he's a big kid, then kind of freaks himself out that he's doing something he may be too little and young to do (which is the same reaction while trying to climb up the stairs). Which could be why he's such a bad sleeper - there is just too much life passing him by during the night that he has to get up and see if anyone else is enjoying life without him!!
We love you, Lukey Pookie Man!! You've made our lives so much better just knowing you!!
Two mouse clicks and I have my answers. Aryn was being dream fed at 10:30, sleeping straight until 8am, she was spinning on her stomach (NOT crawling) and eating mostly homemade pureed fruits and veggies with a little meat, but was not big on eating meat.
Aryn at 9 months was 22 lbs 9 3/4 ounces, 30.5" long
Lucas at 9 months is 19 lbs, 3 ounces, and 31.25" long
I have NOT been blogging the same with Lucas. I don't have weight updates on my phone for every month he turns. I do not have a tally of foods he loves, foods he hates, or recipes tucked into a pile on my kitchen island for fancy purees I can barely wait to feed him.
Aryn's life was chronicled week by week, month by month, sometimes day by day.
Yes, Lucas is the bonafide second child, with second child's syndrome. But, 3-years-from-now-self, here is what you need to know:
- Lucas does not get the fancy homemade purees. He gets the organic, pre-made pouch meals. This is a daily "I'm the worst mom ever" mama fail feeling, and every day, I leave the organic sweet potato in my veggie bowl, just to open another pouch. Because pouches are cheaper... and easier... and oh-so-much-tastier than anything I can make. Oh and Aryn loves them too. Each kid gets a surplus of veggies and fruit from a little pouch. Mama fail, perhaps... but hey, it's also a win.
- Lucas IS crawling. And standing. And holding onto one object and stepping over to another. He stands for seconds on his own. He is a speed demon crawler. He's on one knee, and one foot. Always.
- He does not sleep. He cries out in his sleep. He wakes up anywhere from 2-4 times a night. Every night. The times he wakes up way later than normal (like, 4am for his first wakeup), he's also up at 5am, then 6am so it still constitutes as 3 wakeups.
- He is not a great nurser any more. I nursed Aryn for 18 months, and loved every moment of it. We snuggled, we held hands, we breathed each other in. Lucas grabs my back fat with his knife-like dagger fingers and pinches so hard it brings tears to my eyes. He sticks his fingers in my nose and pulls anything he can. He grabs my hair with his velcro hands and rips it out by the roots. He slaps my chest hard enough to show hand prints afterwards. Oh, and then after all of that, he gets over excited and pukes up all the milk he just ate and cries for more.
And this is one for the baby books. Lucas, for the past 2 weeks, has been a terror at night. He wakes up at 1am-ish, nurses like a fiend, then proceeds to projectile vomit everything he just nursed. Over and over. Until everything he just ate is gone. Then he wants to cuddle. Then he falls asleep, only to wake up a couple hours later, seemingly starving, only to not want to nurse. I am worried our nursing days are coming to an early end. But we're persevering... and getting a little checkup on Monday with the doctor to find out if this is something to be really worried about (he also lost half a pound in the last month so that is another concern I'd like addressed). Lucas... you always keep us on our toes!!
- He is SO BAD and so effing cute while being bad. He crawls around, ONLY going for things he knows he's not allowed to have. Like standing on Aryn's painting easel (it falls really easily... and has fallen on top of him 3 times now). Or going after Bauer's food (his favourite thing). Or opening the drawers only to slam his fingers in said drawer. Or eating boots or shoes that are accidentally left on the rug. Or trying to climb up the stairs. 15 billion toys laying around, and he wants the dog food.
- He gives the BEST hugs. I mean, real, heart-felt "I love you sooo much" hugs. He sees me, gets all squealy and excited, lifts his hands to be picked up, puts his head on my shoulder and pats my back. And every time - no matter what time of night it is, or how hard I've been fighting him to get him to sleep, that back pat melts it all away and I'm left hugging and snuggling him back. He plays dirty. And he knows it.
Lucas really is a fantastic napper some days... (probably due to his awful sleep the night before!) for a couple hours in the morning, and a couple hours in the afternoon. And we've got his afternoon nap coinciding with Aryn's, so I often have a couple hours to myself in the afternoon to get work done. It's actually been really nice! I wish I could nap during that down time, but woah is the working mother - I have to get work done!!
Lucas is also hilarious. He has a very different sense of humour than Aryn. She was giving cheesy grins and playing funny games with us when she was this age. Hiding behind curtains and clacking her tongue. Lucas has a different sense of humour. He does things, then laughs. He laughs at noises, and thinks everything his sister does is funny and something he must try himself. He wants to move, he wants to run, he wants to keep up with his big sister. He jumps on us like he's a big kid, then kind of freaks himself out that he's doing something he may be too little and young to do (which is the same reaction while trying to climb up the stairs). Which could be why he's such a bad sleeper - there is just too much life passing him by during the night that he has to get up and see if anyone else is enjoying life without him!!
We love you, Lukey Pookie Man!! You've made our lives so much better just knowing you!!
Monday, January 20, 2014
Cringe
There are few things that are cringe-worthy. Few things that make you groan and slunk under the sheets with the wish of death to come upon you.
Take the sound of nails on a chalkboard. That sound makes one shudder; it's a popular analogy in movies and books. But really, who walks around with a chalkboard just to run your nails on it? It's not cringe-worthy. It's a horrible sound, but not cringe-worthy.
Or the phone ringing and seeing that it's someone you really have no desire to talk to. That's roll-your-eyes-worthy, but not cringe-worthy. You don't throw your phone across the room and hide; you just hit "ignore" and go about your day... and think of an excuse for not answering said phone call when you know you'll be asked about it later.
Even the sound of a poosplosion isn't cringe-worthy. You know the type; when you're finally ready to leave the house for a day at the zoo or the mall, and your baby, all dressed up and ready to be put into his carseat grunts and POOF! you hear that sound. You yell, "NOOOOO!!!!!" in slow motion, hoping that you can stop it before it shoots out the sides of the diaper. You're always too late. Your baby is sitting on the floor, smiling at you, with poop half-moons soaking through his pants right onto the carpet. You hang your head, defeated, texting your friends "I'm going to be late..." and you haul ass upstairs to change said diaper before it leaks out even more so that when you take the pants off, you get poop streaks down the legs. You're always too late - those poop streaks will be there. Guaranteed.
But there is not much in this world that is truly cringe-worthy.
Except: your child waking up too early in the morning.
I'm not talking about 3am feeds, or 2am potty time. I'm talking about 5:30am whines coming from either bedroom.
I'm talking about hearing your 3-year old's door open, only to look at the clock and seeing it's only 5:55am.
I'm talking about hearing your baby cry out at 6am on the nose. You know it's going to take a good 15 minutes to get either child back to sleep, only to go back to bed to be woken up by your husbands alarm clock in 15 minutes. Your sleep is ruined. You're up for the day.
Cringe.
You know they're not hungry. You know they're tired. But they're awake. And now you're awake. And your dog is awake (and licking himself in the most annoying way). And if it's your baby awake, pretty soon your other kid will be awake. There's something about a baby's cry that wakes the older child up. And your husband is awake, whispering, "Are you going to go get him?"
YES I'M GOING TO &^$*#%@ GET HIM!!
You could easily have gotten another hour of sleep. But now you have to get out of bed, walk over to his room, feed him quickly to put them back to sleep, only he won't. He's cooing and gaaing at you, slapping your face, and kicking your arm to get your attention. You try to ignore him, but he has a knack of getting your attention, only to smile and show you just how awake he is.
And you're cursing him. You smile back at that goofy toothy grin, but really, inside, you're imagining laying in bed, with the covers over your head, and a sweet sleepy smile across your lips. And you start bartering with God.
Please, God. If you put him back to sleep I promise I won't swear in my head today. I promise I'll go the speed limit. I promise I'll watch Billy Graham instead of Ellen.
He does not go to sleep.
(Like I wasn't going to watch Ellen.)
Then you hear the second gringe-worthy sound.
The bedroom door opening. The bedroom door belonging to your other child.
Now, at 5:50am, both kids are awake.
Cringe.
Take the sound of nails on a chalkboard. That sound makes one shudder; it's a popular analogy in movies and books. But really, who walks around with a chalkboard just to run your nails on it? It's not cringe-worthy. It's a horrible sound, but not cringe-worthy.
Or the phone ringing and seeing that it's someone you really have no desire to talk to. That's roll-your-eyes-worthy, but not cringe-worthy. You don't throw your phone across the room and hide; you just hit "ignore" and go about your day... and think of an excuse for not answering said phone call when you know you'll be asked about it later.
Even the sound of a poosplosion isn't cringe-worthy. You know the type; when you're finally ready to leave the house for a day at the zoo or the mall, and your baby, all dressed up and ready to be put into his carseat grunts and POOF! you hear that sound. You yell, "NOOOOO!!!!!" in slow motion, hoping that you can stop it before it shoots out the sides of the diaper. You're always too late. Your baby is sitting on the floor, smiling at you, with poop half-moons soaking through his pants right onto the carpet. You hang your head, defeated, texting your friends "I'm going to be late..." and you haul ass upstairs to change said diaper before it leaks out even more so that when you take the pants off, you get poop streaks down the legs. You're always too late - those poop streaks will be there. Guaranteed.
But there is not much in this world that is truly cringe-worthy.
Except: your child waking up too early in the morning.
I'm not talking about 3am feeds, or 2am potty time. I'm talking about 5:30am whines coming from either bedroom.
I'm talking about hearing your 3-year old's door open, only to look at the clock and seeing it's only 5:55am.
I'm talking about hearing your baby cry out at 6am on the nose. You know it's going to take a good 15 minutes to get either child back to sleep, only to go back to bed to be woken up by your husbands alarm clock in 15 minutes. Your sleep is ruined. You're up for the day.
Cringe.
You know they're not hungry. You know they're tired. But they're awake. And now you're awake. And your dog is awake (and licking himself in the most annoying way). And if it's your baby awake, pretty soon your other kid will be awake. There's something about a baby's cry that wakes the older child up. And your husband is awake, whispering, "Are you going to go get him?"
YES I'M GOING TO &^$*#%@ GET HIM!!
You could easily have gotten another hour of sleep. But now you have to get out of bed, walk over to his room, feed him quickly to put them back to sleep, only he won't. He's cooing and gaaing at you, slapping your face, and kicking your arm to get your attention. You try to ignore him, but he has a knack of getting your attention, only to smile and show you just how awake he is.
And you're cursing him. You smile back at that goofy toothy grin, but really, inside, you're imagining laying in bed, with the covers over your head, and a sweet sleepy smile across your lips. And you start bartering with God.
Please, God. If you put him back to sleep I promise I won't swear in my head today. I promise I'll go the speed limit. I promise I'll watch Billy Graham instead of Ellen.
He does not go to sleep.
(Like I wasn't going to watch Ellen.)
Then you hear the second gringe-worthy sound.
The bedroom door opening. The bedroom door belonging to your other child.
Now, at 5:50am, both kids are awake.
Cringe.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Breastfeeding a Little Devil 101
Don't worry. This post won't be graphic or make you uncomfortable.
But it is, however, about breastfeeding. And in particular, breastfeeding one of the most difficult babies in the world.
Aryn was a statistically easy nurser. She loved to eat. However, she would eat every 2 hours, like clockwork, and then proceed to vomit everything she just ate... which, in turn, made her hungry quickly, hence our 2-hour schedule.
I had it down pat. Aryn cried... I nursed... I picked her up and BAM. Vomit. And she had a knack for projecting it far enough away that it would miss me, and hit whatever was directly expensive.
We had towels littering our floor all over the house to catch said vomit. We cleaned our carpets more times than I'd like to admit. It was a daily thing. People cringed when I was finished nursing her at their homes, because everyone knew - in just a couple minutes, they would hear the *splat* sound hit their brand new carpet, or leather chair, or suede sofa.
It wasn't until she was 6 months old when I went to a breastfeeding clinic to receive some support and help that I was instructed to nurse her sitting up so she was straddling me that things started to get better. Her reflux made her milk upchuck and sitting up allowed it to be ingested.
When Ryan and I got married, we splurged and bought a beautiful sage green sectional at Ashley Furniture. It was expensive and extremely comfortable. No one was allowed to put food near it, and should something have spilled on it, we were instantly there to dap it up and make sure our beautiful couch was clean.
Then Aryn came along.
Our beautiful sage green sectional is no longer clean. There are stains from milk, water, poop, pee, Bauer (he licks the couch.... soooo weird), crushed goldfish crackers, strawberries, chocolate milk littering our couch. Where once we'd gasp in horror that something foreign touched the fibres of the couch, now we shrug and respond with an "oh well."
My, how things have changed.
But despite this, Aryn was an easy nurser.
I nursed her for 18 months, and all in all, I loved every minute of it.
And she gave me this false feeling of "Breastfeeding is easy!" I thought, once you do it once, you can pretty much do it. There's no science or work involved. You have the parts, you feed your baby. Easy peasy.
Then Lukey came along.
When he was first born, he was so easy. I sang his praises, "He's such an easy nurser!" My expectations were met - breastfeeding was easy once again. And Lukey never threw up! Praise the breastfeeding gods! I couldn't wait to do this for another 18 months... or longer, if he wanted!!
Then... something changed.
Now, I mentioned before how different Lucas is compared to Aryn. They are opposite babies. Aryn would just sit there, planted in place, and didn't bother to try crawling until she was 10 months old. She loved purees, she was generally happy, she was easy to sleep train (eat-wake-sleep cycle). She even went to sleep on her own - put her in her crib wide awake, she's go to sleep.
I blame Aryn for all of this. She gave us a false sense of security.
Lucas.
That kid.
He is crazy. He is doing his very best to start crawling. He's not even 8 months old. He gets onto all 4's, he pulls himself onto his knees, he pushes himself forward with his knees, he will NOT, under any circumstance, eat purees when there's perfectly good grown-up food within eye sight, and he's a pain in the ass nurser.
Sorry for the swear. But it's true. He's extremely frustrating.
Let me paint you a picture.
.... not a graphic one.
Let's start with the first feed of the morning. Now, Lucas wakes up anywhere from 1-3 times a night. Yeah. It sucks. So, for the purpose of this story, let's say the last time he woke up was 2am.
Then, let's say he wakes up for the day at 7:30am.
So I try to feed him and he will NOT eat. I try, and he just wants to babble and stick his hands in my mouth and pull my teeth. He's weird.
So I give up, and bring him downstairs, where he tries to eat everything I'm having for breakfast. Eggs. Toast. Coffee. Banana. Strawberries. He wants it all. So I put little bits on his tray. He doesn't want little cut-up bits. He wants the entire thing I am eating.
Grr.
Two hours later, he's tired. He wants to nurse. But I want him to learn to go to sleep on his own, and not need to be fed to go to sleep so I try to keep him awake while I feed him.
So he slaps me in the face to shut me up.
Grr.
So he sleeps for 2 hours. Yay! Then he wakes up, and I again try to nurse him (you know, cuz I'm really trying to get that eat-wake-sleep cycle set up). He doesn't want to eat. He wants to see Aryn, and his toys, and Bauer. And eat whatever everyone is eating. Not mama's milk. Real food.
Really, anything other than me.
This goes on the rest of the day.
Then it's night time. The most frustrating nursing time.
He's soooooo tired. He starts to eat, then pulls away. Then bites me. I scream. He smiles. Then bites me again. I say "NO!" He smiles. He closes his eyes. He tries to snuggle. I try to get him to stop snuggling and eat, so that we're not up an hour later to nurse. He refuses to eat without biting me. I get frustrated. He smiles. He then tries to snuggle again.
Stop snuggling! Eat!!
This happens. EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.
Then he falls asleep, so I give up and put him in his crib. He's fast asleep. I slowly try to leave. Then I hear the nails on the chalkboard.
"Gaaaahhhhhh!"
He's awake. He's kicking his legs in happiness. He's wide awake.
Do I cry? Do I scream?
Yes.
So we do this aaaaaalllllll over again. Complete with biting and raspberries, and arching his back, and getting mad at me, and flinging his arms around like he's having a seizure, and me holding his arms down in place, and him pinching me, and sticking his hands in my mouth and pulling my teeth.
Every. Single. Night.
Finally, he drifts off to sleep and he starts dream eating. Finally.
Ready for a night of getting up 1-3 times. To feed him for anywhere from 1-25 minutes. Yes. Sometimes he wakes up, yells for me, only to want to snuggle. Not eat. Snuggle.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE snuggling with this little guy. He's my son, and I would snuggle him all day if he'd let me.
But the key word in that - all day. I don't snuggle at night. I want to sleep. I don't need to get up 3 times a night to snuggle you. I'll snuggle you when the sun is up. Not the moon.
I've let him cry it out, but he wins every battle. Especially when Ryan starts with the "I have to work in the morning" or the "He'll wake Aryn up!" or when Aryn actually does get woken up, which then leads to her having to go to the bathroom, and then I'm up with 2 kids.
And then I finally get Lucas back to sleep. And then those beady little eyes pop open and he smiles at me. And he has a beautiful smile. A squishy, one-toothed goofy grin. Oh that smile makes my heart melt.
But at 3am, it's the worst thing to see.
And then the battle starts again.
Every. Single. Night.
But it is, however, about breastfeeding. And in particular, breastfeeding one of the most difficult babies in the world.
Aryn was a statistically easy nurser. She loved to eat. However, she would eat every 2 hours, like clockwork, and then proceed to vomit everything she just ate... which, in turn, made her hungry quickly, hence our 2-hour schedule.
I had it down pat. Aryn cried... I nursed... I picked her up and BAM. Vomit. And she had a knack for projecting it far enough away that it would miss me, and hit whatever was directly expensive.
We had towels littering our floor all over the house to catch said vomit. We cleaned our carpets more times than I'd like to admit. It was a daily thing. People cringed when I was finished nursing her at their homes, because everyone knew - in just a couple minutes, they would hear the *splat* sound hit their brand new carpet, or leather chair, or suede sofa.
It wasn't until she was 6 months old when I went to a breastfeeding clinic to receive some support and help that I was instructed to nurse her sitting up so she was straddling me that things started to get better. Her reflux made her milk upchuck and sitting up allowed it to be ingested.
When Ryan and I got married, we splurged and bought a beautiful sage green sectional at Ashley Furniture. It was expensive and extremely comfortable. No one was allowed to put food near it, and should something have spilled on it, we were instantly there to dap it up and make sure our beautiful couch was clean.
Then Aryn came along.
Our beautiful sage green sectional is no longer clean. There are stains from milk, water, poop, pee, Bauer (he licks the couch.... soooo weird), crushed goldfish crackers, strawberries, chocolate milk littering our couch. Where once we'd gasp in horror that something foreign touched the fibres of the couch, now we shrug and respond with an "oh well."
My, how things have changed.
But despite this, Aryn was an easy nurser.
I nursed her for 18 months, and all in all, I loved every minute of it.
And she gave me this false feeling of "Breastfeeding is easy!" I thought, once you do it once, you can pretty much do it. There's no science or work involved. You have the parts, you feed your baby. Easy peasy.
Then Lukey came along.
When he was first born, he was so easy. I sang his praises, "He's such an easy nurser!" My expectations were met - breastfeeding was easy once again. And Lukey never threw up! Praise the breastfeeding gods! I couldn't wait to do this for another 18 months... or longer, if he wanted!!
Then... something changed.
Now, I mentioned before how different Lucas is compared to Aryn. They are opposite babies. Aryn would just sit there, planted in place, and didn't bother to try crawling until she was 10 months old. She loved purees, she was generally happy, she was easy to sleep train (eat-wake-sleep cycle). She even went to sleep on her own - put her in her crib wide awake, she's go to sleep.
I blame Aryn for all of this. She gave us a false sense of security.
Lucas.
That kid.
He is crazy. He is doing his very best to start crawling. He's not even 8 months old. He gets onto all 4's, he pulls himself onto his knees, he pushes himself forward with his knees, he will NOT, under any circumstance, eat purees when there's perfectly good grown-up food within eye sight, and he's a pain in the ass nurser.
Sorry for the swear. But it's true. He's extremely frustrating.
Let me paint you a picture.
.... not a graphic one.
Let's start with the first feed of the morning. Now, Lucas wakes up anywhere from 1-3 times a night. Yeah. It sucks. So, for the purpose of this story, let's say the last time he woke up was 2am.
Then, let's say he wakes up for the day at 7:30am.
So I try to feed him and he will NOT eat. I try, and he just wants to babble and stick his hands in my mouth and pull my teeth. He's weird.
So I give up, and bring him downstairs, where he tries to eat everything I'm having for breakfast. Eggs. Toast. Coffee. Banana. Strawberries. He wants it all. So I put little bits on his tray. He doesn't want little cut-up bits. He wants the entire thing I am eating.
Grr.
Two hours later, he's tired. He wants to nurse. But I want him to learn to go to sleep on his own, and not need to be fed to go to sleep so I try to keep him awake while I feed him.
So he slaps me in the face to shut me up.
Grr.
So he sleeps for 2 hours. Yay! Then he wakes up, and I again try to nurse him (you know, cuz I'm really trying to get that eat-wake-sleep cycle set up). He doesn't want to eat. He wants to see Aryn, and his toys, and Bauer. And eat whatever everyone is eating. Not mama's milk. Real food.
Really, anything other than me.
This goes on the rest of the day.
Then it's night time. The most frustrating nursing time.
He's soooooo tired. He starts to eat, then pulls away. Then bites me. I scream. He smiles. Then bites me again. I say "NO!" He smiles. He closes his eyes. He tries to snuggle. I try to get him to stop snuggling and eat, so that we're not up an hour later to nurse. He refuses to eat without biting me. I get frustrated. He smiles. He then tries to snuggle again.
Stop snuggling! Eat!!
This happens. EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.
Then he falls asleep, so I give up and put him in his crib. He's fast asleep. I slowly try to leave. Then I hear the nails on the chalkboard.
"Gaaaahhhhhh!"
He's awake. He's kicking his legs in happiness. He's wide awake.
Do I cry? Do I scream?
Yes.
So we do this aaaaaalllllll over again. Complete with biting and raspberries, and arching his back, and getting mad at me, and flinging his arms around like he's having a seizure, and me holding his arms down in place, and him pinching me, and sticking his hands in my mouth and pulling my teeth.
Every. Single. Night.
Finally, he drifts off to sleep and he starts dream eating. Finally.
Ready for a night of getting up 1-3 times. To feed him for anywhere from 1-25 minutes. Yes. Sometimes he wakes up, yells for me, only to want to snuggle. Not eat. Snuggle.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE snuggling with this little guy. He's my son, and I would snuggle him all day if he'd let me.
But the key word in that - all day. I don't snuggle at night. I want to sleep. I don't need to get up 3 times a night to snuggle you. I'll snuggle you when the sun is up. Not the moon.
I've let him cry it out, but he wins every battle. Especially when Ryan starts with the "I have to work in the morning" or the "He'll wake Aryn up!" or when Aryn actually does get woken up, which then leads to her having to go to the bathroom, and then I'm up with 2 kids.
And then I finally get Lucas back to sleep. And then those beady little eyes pop open and he smiles at me. And he has a beautiful smile. A squishy, one-toothed goofy grin. Oh that smile makes my heart melt.
But at 3am, it's the worst thing to see.
And then the battle starts again.
Every. Single. Night.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
We have a tooth!
There is one thing my 2 kids are exactly alike in: when they teethe, they are exactly alike.
After one night of Lukey waking up 4 times, and the next night Lukey waking up every 20 minutes-1 hour and only sleeping if being held, we woke up Saturday morning (December 7) to a tooth. It was a beautiful tooth.
Teething is the worst. Seriously.
After one night of Lukey waking up 4 times, and the next night Lukey waking up every 20 minutes-1 hour and only sleeping if being held, we woke up Saturday morning (December 7) to a tooth. It was a beautiful tooth.
Teething is the worst. Seriously.
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