Matthew

Well... something bad in the world must be going on because it seems that God needed you more than I do. He made you an angel on Saturday morning and you went up to help Him out on whatever challenge He faced. And I bet you did a great job. Or are doing a great job.

Still.... I miss you.

I was going to write about my experience losing you... but I really don't want to remember it. Instead, I want to remember that feeling I had when I found out I was pregnant with you. I was only 9 weeks (to the day!) pregnant with you when you passed away and it was the best 9 weeks of my life. You made me want to be a better person everyday. And everyday, I got closer and closer to meeting you and I couldn't wait! I wanted to dress you in blue, or pink, and show you off to the world. Christmas was going to be so great this year with you around.

But... sometimes God has other plans. I don't understand them, nor should I.


Your daddy and I were talking in the hospital after you passed away and I was feeling a little better. I needed to name you, even though I didn't know your sex or really anything about you. So... I named you Matthew. Matthew is such a powerful name. The meaning of the name Matthew is Gift Of God. And that's what you were: a gift from God. He had to take you back, but I still feel lucky enough to have gotten to know you for those 9 very short weeks. Also, one of my favourite verses in the bible is Matthew 28:20: “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” I know He was with me on Saturday.

I know I will see you again. Jeremiah 1:5 says that God knows us while we are still in the womb - which, to me, means you had a soul and that God loved you. So... when I get to heaven, I want to meet you.

Until then, little Matthew, say hello to your great-grandpa for me. Please play with him - he has a lot of energy!