Tough Hour

Well, little one... you caused me quite the scare today!! But so much good came from it.

Today at lunch, I went to the washroom and there was a lot of blood. Your daddy has since found an article stating that at 7 weeks a lot of women experience blood because the placenta matures, which I'd never heard before. But at the time, before learning that, I was in a battle between life and death it felt. I was fighting to keep you alive while something tried to take that away.

So after I saw the blood, I prayed... like hardcore prayer... mostly "you can't do this to me" prayers.... and it kinda hit me...

I was given a book from a friend that says God wants us to have babies - he loves children. So why am I letting things get to me? God wants this to happen! So I started praying that this is NOT going to happen and God has it under control.

Then the bleeding stopped and I haven't bled since!

Little one, I got your daddy to pray for you too today. And I believe his prayer really helped save you today.

Today was frustrating.... when this happened I couldn't get a hold of anyone - my bosses weren't here, my friend Jocelyn wasn't on msn, Ryan wasn't answering the phone... I was stuck with me and God. It's funny how He does that. For like 2 seconds I felt completely alone. Then it was like a lightbulb.

I also had an epiphany today during all of this. When I changed my prayer, that this baby WILL be fine and that God IS in control, I was thinking of my friend Jocelyn telling me to put positive thoughts into the atmosphere.

And I realized... I believe the same things she does, only thing is that I put positive thoughts towards God - not the universe. I don't believe that the universe does things, I believe God does. But when you ask him for a new job and then sit and do nothing, He won't just bring the job to you. You have to be active.

So being positive myself, is being active. and I become positive energy. And it in turn causes me to trust God. And in turn, causes all that positive energy to make things happen. It was a cool feeling. When I changed my prayer to "God, you are in control" I KNEW things would be ok.

So, little one.... YOU'RE OK!!! I love you so much!!! I can't wait to meet you in 33 weeks! Stay strong, keep fighting!